Where do I start?

Start where you are. It's that simple.

You don't need to wait to be better, to have better tools, or to have better ideas.

I thought about what could be the first worthy topic to write about for Royal Pineapple. Many ideas came to mind, but my thoughts and insecurities couldn’t align and my hands just wouldn’t start typing.

Like anyone starting a new project, you expect perfectionism from day one. Perfect content, perfect ideas and positive energy to flow effortlessly and limitlessly. Yet, as I write this, I find reality to be quite the opposite.

Currently, I am feeling low energy, having difficulty getting myself motivated and moving, and I cannot finish my ideas coherently. All the above mentioned is okay to experience, and it's okay to give the experience space, however there is a fine line of not becoming consumed by the experience.

I accept my current state as temporary and I try not to force myself to be or do more than my willpower and boundaries allow. It is vulnerable moment for me, however, by respecting my own boundaries I enable myself to take the next step with confidence (in myself). There is difference between putting something off and respecting your own boundaries, is showing up for yourself, over and over, even when it's difficult. If you're going to show up for anyone, make sure it's for you and for the right reasons.

So, I thought about the start. I thought about starts that failed and starts that never took off. Starts that were crippled with fear, excuses and sabotaged by other people's assumed thoughts and my inner self critic.

I thought about the justifications I gave myself to soothe the ache of why I didn't start or why I shouldn't. After all, where I am is comfortable, it is safe and what I know.

Why do so many starts never come to fruition?

I can name my own demons such as anxiety, fear of rejection, lack of consistency, and maybe a bit of laziness, but they're all excuses. None of them were good enough reasons I sabotages myself right at the start.

It all comes down to one simple fact - I didn't want it enough, and I wasn't willing to give up my comfort to achieve beyond it. It is a bitter pill to swallow, but it is where I am and until I can accept that truth, I cannot build lasting foundations upon unstable delusions.

Our actions are rooted in one of two functions, to gain something or to escape something. Many psychology journals and behaviour analysts have studied this in great depth to come to this conclusion. However when we get into the habit of instant gratification, we struggle with waiting for our efforts to pay off in the long term and settle for the short term dopamine fixes. This keeps us from reaching beyond our comfort zone. This is why larger goals feel out of reach or difficult to achieve.

Many people will point this back and talk about the idea of breaking down large tasks and I will put my hands up and admit that, even though I know the theory of breaking it down into smaller tasks, yet, in practice, I couldn't comprehend how to do it. I couldn't mentally connect the dots, to the point I would exhaust myself with overthinking and inevitably abandon ideas all together.

consider this

• For who or for what do you show up? for what reason do you show up?

• What are your justifications for not starting something? are those justifications disguised as well thought out excuses?

• How much do you want it ?

• What are you willing to give up and what are you willing to put towards achieving it?

• Do you actually know how to break down large tasks?

The Basics

So, this is where I start, with the basics. The basics of what I love, what I find meaningful, and what I can share with others. I am here to strip away the excuses and fear of others and myself. I stand here as I am, and I am enough.

"Start where you are, use what you have, do what you can"

- Arthur Ashe (Wimbledon tennis champion,1990s)

I love to write and discover mental and physical wellbeing. I love eating, making and sharing delicious food. Above all, I love doing all of this with genuine, happy and positive people. These are the things that make me feel good and fulfilled.

This is where I start because I cannot accept another non starter. Doing something the same way will not produce new or different outcomes and I accept that my habits of doing things weren't always the best way.

consider this

• What are your basics?

• What makes you feel good?

• What do you find meaningful? what does meaningful mean to you?

Progress over perfection and liberation

When you focus on progress over perfection, you liberate yourself. Liberation comes in the form of ease and satisfaction with where you are, what you're doing and knowing it is enough.

When you focus on the outcome, you experience frustration, overthinking and impatience, which leads to feeling demotivated and dissatisfied with yourself. Naturally you begin to not only compare yourself to others, but also begin to lose faith in yourself. You put yourself down in a detached sort of manner. That voice, is the voice that inevitably leads you to decide to do nothing. It leads you to abandoning yourself at the start.

Progress over perfection also highlights that skill I mentioned that I struggle with, of break down tasks into realistic and manageable "to dos". It is a skill that can be learnt and this is where I am now, in the process of learning how to break down tasks. Make sure to stayed tuned for the upcoming post about how I learnt to break down tasks. maybe it will provide some inspiration or insight for you as well.

The most important aspect of the start and progress is the "doing" part. If you haven't done anything, good, bad or otherwise, you haven't started nor can you look at any progress. Progress is also the process, and trusting the process is an integral part of accepting where you are.

Where you are may not be ideal, but dispelling illusions helps build healthier foundations which are credible, authentic, and create the opportunity to advance towards a more ideal place. If you are unsure where you are, ask for someone who can give you non-bias feedback. The things you may hear will most likely trigger your self-defence mechanisms and you will likely take the feedback personally, and you will give compelling reasons and alibis to justify yourself. They're all excuses.

So, put emotions aside when you ask for feedback, make sure you're ready for it. Through feedback you will find that your process of thinking and original ideas begin to mature, which will allow you to advance in your plans.

consider this

• When do you feel frustration? through disappointment?

• What do you overthink? which thoughts do you dwell upon?

• Do you expect finished results before you've even started?

• Are you ready for feedback? are you able to keep emotions and "reasons" from cropping up in a situation where your actions are being assessed?

Acceptance

Part of "start where you are, use hat you have, do what you can", comes down to acceptance. Acceptance of not only where you are but also who you are and what unique limitations you may face. By starting where you are, you get to a place where you're ready to accept uncomfortable and bitter truths about yourself. This is where your thinking and reasoning begins to mature because you move away from taking things too personally.

As your reasoning matures the magic happens when you combine it with doing, moving, and creating. Movement causes momentum, however, momentum shouldn't be confused with success. Even if momentum ends in failure, failure is better than not starting. There is virtue in failure.

So, start, start moving. It's that simple.

consider this:

• Where are you now? can you accept it?

• Who are you? can you accept it?

• Can you accept your uncomfortable truths? do you take things personally?

• What gets you moving?

To Summarise

• Start where you are. You don't need to wait for the right tools or the right moment.

• Accept the truth of where you are. You can accept yourself even if you are still learning to do so.

• Ask for feedback.

• Focus on progress over perfection.

• Trust the process. It keeps you moving.